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AITA for telling my son that we don't really have any room for him right now so he needs to live with his dad and stepmom.
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My ex-husband and I divorced when my son was ten. My ex had found someone new. We went for 50/50 custody but he still had to pay some child support.
I went back to school at that time. On the weeks his dad had him I buckled down and did nothing but schoolwork. When he was with me I made sure I had time for him before and after school.
I did expect him to help around the house but nothing excessive. Mostly just cleaning up after himself and helping with cooking and laundry.
His dad's house was more fun. I tried to make my home welcoming. I bought a used PS4 and I got fiber optic internet. It wasn't enough for him.
When he was 14 he and his father got the court to award my ex primary custody. I did fight it but my son made it clear he would run away if I didn't give in. Counselling didn't help. I tried everything.
It was devastating having my son decide I wasn't someone he wanted to spend time with. He started skipping visitation. When he did come he would leave the house and not come home until it was time to sleep.
During this time I started a relationship with my current husband. He helped me through this. He wasn't on my radar romantically, nobody was, so he got close by being an amazing friend. I asked him out and we got married six months later. We had known each other since I went back to university. Six months after we got married I got pregnant.
By strange coincidence so did the woman my ex was cheating with. Not the woman he left me for. A newer model.
I had sold my house and my husband and I bought a condo together. Just a two bedroom apartment with a tiny den. We made the den into a nursery and consolidated our offices into the second bedroom.
My ex moved in with his new girlfriend and she isn't a fan of my son. His stepmother doesn't want him there if his father isn't there so my son is also in the new house with his dad, his dad's pregnant girlfriend and her mom.
My son is sixteen now and he called me to see if he could stay with me. I said I didn't really have any room. He asked me what I did with his room. He didn't even know I sold the house.
He is very upset. He called me a bitch for not having a place for him to stay. I said he could stay in our living room on the couch. Not acceptable.
I talked to my husband and we have enough money from the sale of my house and his old bachelor pad a well as our condo to buy back into the market. We were waiting for interest rates to fall. And we were going to move to a more reasonably priced city. I told my son if he could take the living room for now we could have a room for him in six months.
He moved in with his grandparents. He isn't happy there. At least his dad got him a car so he can drive to his same school.
My son is pissed that I prioritized my new baby and my work over him. I had no expectation to ever need to house him again. My ex called me and told me to make our office into a room for our son. I told him that our son's circumstances were his fault not mine.
Top Comment: Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole . Please view our voting guide here , and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My son stopped spending time with me even during his visitation time. He stopped coming over at all. I might be the asshole for selling a house that was too big for me and not having a room for him in my new condo. Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
How is Son considered world class?
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He has 1 20+ goal season and no trophies (im not saying goals is all you need but thats like the only thing he contributes contribution. and he and the only thing hes above average at is shooting (dribbling isnt great and lost a lot of pace). Like how are people comparing him to the likes of salah who has 4 20+ goals. And all the people that say oh if he was at (Better team than tottenham hed do better) even thouh its been proven multiple times if u play move to a better team youre not necessarily going to be better i could take charlie austin who scored 18 goals for qpr in 2014-15 and say oh if he played for chelsea hed get 30 goals which is obviously not true.and then people who say racism even though i think it positively impaced his career because hes the first of asian to score those numbers so his achievments are a bit elevated .
Reminder this is an opinion dont get mad Sorry for saying first of his kind i was rushing it
Top Comment: I'm an Arsenal fan and even I think this is a braindead take.
My son (M15) is a horrible person and It's tearing my family apart
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My son (M15) just got suspended from his new school a second time both times for and I quote "physically and verbally tormenting queer students." I've tried to always teach him tolerance If he doesn't agree with a persons life style or ideals but he seems to have no empathy for anyone or anything. I previously had to move him from schools because of frequent incidents of fighting other kids, skipping classes, and bullying. They are threatening to expel him if his behavior doesn't get in check, He doesn't seem to care at all. He just hangs out with his friends all day and causes mayhem.
He acts extremally violent towards everybody including me yelling and threatening physical violence and often throwing rage fits. Not to mention he terrorizes his little sister and uses constant racist, homophobic, and sexist slurs publicly he has no respect for anyone. He also has been caught doing stuff like shoplifting with his friends, drinking at his homecoming dance, and vaping. I tried to take him to family therapy with me but that was a nightmare. I really don't know what to do I'm afraid for his future and the people around him.
I'm really trying my best to keep the family together but all the stress is putting a strain on me and my wife's marriage. My daughter hates her brother and I think my wife sees him as a monster. I love him so much and will never stop loving him but I don't know how to help him and I'm afraid he's only gonna get worse from here on so how can I help my son?
Edit: Thank you everyone for the advice I think I have a idea of what I'm going to do now. Just to clarify some stuff he's never physically hurt his sister or any of us before just yelling, screaming, and threats. Also he hasn't always be like this it really started when he started 6th grade and got progressively worse overtime. I will be putting him in private therapy and getting him professionally evaluated. I will also be restricting all internet access so no computer or phones instead I'm gonna replace his phone with a flip phone or something like that just incase he still needs to reach us. I will also be picking him up from school everyday and taking him straight home he is no longer able to hang out with his friends outside of school I've talked to the parents to make sure he isn't over at there houses. My daughter will be getting a lock on her door. Sending him away is a last resort and me and my wife are going to start going to couples therapy so wish he good luck and If anything new comes up I'll try my best to update you guys.
Top Comment:
You're going to need whole family counseling along with marital counseling and an individualized plan. It's going to be expensive, but it doesn't end there.
You need an attorney. It's not a matter of if your kid hurts or kills someone, it's a when at this point. And if he doesn't physically harm someone, I'd guess damage to property or liable to another is next in line. Better to have one on retainer than not.
Whatever had happened to him or caused him over time to become what he is isn't going to improve with age. He won't grow out of some of this and he has to unlearn a lot of what he's been allowed to run with before he's an adult. He shouldn't have a choice in whether he gets help. If he doesn't want to participate in it, it can be negotiated into a permanent placement with a military school or a home for troubled kids. Nobody wants him to be forced out of the home, but you can't put your daughter and wife in danger either.
Tough love to an extent but protect what needs protecting.
Know that he won't be able to do what's best for him, so you will have to.
Be safe. Good luck.
My son hates me but I've never stopped caring and being there during his milestones
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So yeah this is going to be a long one, so I'll just start from the beginning.
My first wife (deceased) and I had my son about a year after we got married - we were both 21 at the time. I still remember holding him for the first time, how he smelt etc.
My son and I were extremely close in the years to follow. My father was never around and so I always craved to provide him with the "father son bond" that I didn't have. It was safe to say that my bond with him was beyond even that. We'd spend our weekends together, go camping. When he entered his teenage years, he'd tell me which girl he liked (and there seemed to be a new one every day lol - and it helped he was a 6ft, blond, and an all around good looking guy, although I like to take credit for that).
When he was 15, his mother got really sick. It was a super stressful time. She had a rare form of aggressive cancer that was terminal. Her battle lasted about a year from when we found it. The last few months though were really really bad. She could barely talk, barely move.
I'm ashamed to say that it was around then that I cheated on his mother. A colleague of mine was there for me at the time, and it just accelerated from there. And it was not a one of thing, as my affair continued for months. My son found out a few weeks before his mother passed - he caught me and my colleague in the act when he came home early from school. I'll never forget the look on his face, it was like he was starring into the abyss. I hadn't seem him cry since he was 8 or 9, but in that moment he was crying too. I knew then that my relationship with the son I loved more than anything would change forever, but even then I had no idea how bad it would be.
He decided not to tell her, I assume because he knew she would be heartbroken and he didn't want her to pass with a broken heart. The period between her death and the funeral is a bit of a blur, but during that entire period, my son didn't speak a single word to me. Not a single word in a month.
When the funeral ended and the two of us went home, he ran up into his room. I decided I'd try to properly talk to him (it's not like I didn't try before that, but I felt like I needed to try again). When I walked up into his room, there was a suitcase on the bed and he was packing. I knew then and there what was happening - his mother's life insurance paid out entirely to him. He was going to move out.
I begged him not to go. I literally went on my knees and pleaded with him. I was sobbing and saying how sorry I was, how much I love him, told him about the moment I first held him as a baby. But nothing. He didn't even acknowledge me. Not a word. He left.
He was 16 at the time, and was legally allowed to leave. I went to a lawyer but there was nothing I could do - especially when the affair was at the centre of it all. The next few weeks and months were full of me begging him to talk to me, to come home. He stayed at a hotel initially, then moved in with his best friend and his family. He continued to go to school as usual. From then up until he graduated high school was essentially a combination of me trying to talk to him, apologising etc. I had some really really low moments in that period. He wouldn't talk to me, or acknowledge me. His aunties and uncles (his mother's siblings) who he was close with tried to talk to him about it but he refused to tell them about the cheating or even acknowledge me to them. I still don't quite know why he didn't tell them to be honest.
Fast forward to his school graduation, I wasn't invited. But I still went. I sat at the back so he wouldn't see me (he had told his aunty that if I came/if anyone told me that he would leave the graduation). I took pictures and videos like the typical proud dad that I was. But I lost it when he went up to give the valedictorian speech - I had no idea he had scored the highest in his class. In his speech, he paid tribute to his mother, how much he missed her etc. Thanked his best friend and their family for taking him in. He didn't mention me at all. Nothing. It's like I didn't exist. I left that graduation so broken. I felt like a failure, I felt pathetic.
I later learnt through a friend that my son was going to be studying medicine, and that he'd be going overseas to do so.
It was then that I knew that I had to stop. That my mental health couldn't take it anymore. I decided then and there to try to live some semblance of a normal life again. I started dating again, and it felt great.
I always kept tabs on my son. I know it sounds lame, but I made a fake facebook account to join the groupchats that his university had. It was thanks to this that I was aware of when he was getting awards/scholarships for his outstanding performance. Even though it was in a different country, I went to every single award ceremony he was in. A total of 6. He never knew I was there, but I was. Even though he didn't want me in his life and we hadn't spoken in years, I wasn't missing his milestones.
So now we get to what the trigger was for me posting this. About a month ago I found out my son had an award ceremony for winning an award - he was at that time a doctor. I decided to take my wife and the girls to the ceremony - about a 6 hour or so road trip. that's all it'll be. My daughters know they have a brother, know what he looks like. I always talk so proudly with them (and my wife) about him.
So my son accepted his award etc. It was during this acceptance that I learnt my son now had a wife and a son. When I asked my friends/relatives about it later, they told me that he had them swear that they wouldn't tell me, or he'd cut them off too). I was devastated, it felt like a gut punch. After he got off the stage, he was making the rounds to shake everyone's hand, engage in small talk etc. He didn't know I was there - I didn't inform the few family members I had that were going of our attendance. I decided it would be best to talk to him first (or try to, after all, he hasn't spoken a word to me in about 12 years).
Well, it went really really badly. Before I could go up to him, he saw me and my wife and daughters in the corner. He had a breakdown then and there. I felt terrible. We were told to leave, so we did.
I just hope one day I can tell him that I never stopped loving him. I just hope that I can tell him that I never missed a day of importance in his life that I knew about. Maybe one day I'll tell him that I sleep with the stuffed bear that he used to sleep with when he was younger just so I can feel close to him.
I love you son and I always will.
EDIT: Just fixing a part where I repeated the same paragraph twice.
EDIT 2: I've had people going through all of my reddit posts and saying this post here is "fake because this or that". I returned to college to complete a Masters in 2019 in Australia. I graduated at the END OF LAST YEAR. The reason I've gone through and deleted almost all of my previous posts is because, given the response I've received from 95% of people here, I didn't think it wise to have information on my profile that identified where I lived, where I worked, what college I went to and so on. And to the person who had gone through my profile and found out where I worked and tried to threaten me, go and fu*k yourself.
Top Comment: Not to pile on..... BUT... How was bringing your second family to this ceremony ever thought to be a good idea?!??!? You lost your child because of another woman, don't show up with yet another woman thinking you can fix things!!! It shouldn't be this hard to think things through and see beyond your own needs and wants!!!!
AITA For "favoring" my son?
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For some context while also keeping this brief, my (36m) first wife passed away around 7 years ago. It was extremely sudden and traumatic for all of us, but I think it affected my daughter Emma (14f) the most.
She went through a period of time where she became really angry at everything and everyone, but nowadays she's become more quiet, while my son Jacob (16m) became very dedicated to schoolwork and his future.
I got remarried two years ago to Kate (34f) and while it took a while, she gets along with the kids well enough, and Emma especially seems to have really warmed up to her and they spend a lot of time together.
I work for most of the week and lately it's been from home, so I can't spend as much time with the kids as I would like, but I always make sure to talk to them while we're having dinner. Almost every night Jacob will tell me about something impressive he did at school and I'll congratulate him and tell him I'm proud of him and sometimes give him extra in his allowance. Like I said, Emma is quiet and doesn't really talk much at all at dinner. On Saturday night after a bit of coaxing from Kate, Emma told me she got to a B in her science class (which is pretty rare for her) and I told her I was happy for her.
Later that same night while I was working she came into my office and asked if I wanted to see her creative writing project for her English class, but I told her I was busy and she could show me tomorrow. I didn't get a look at her but as she was walking out she said "If it was Jacob asking you would drop everything you were doing"
In the morning after the kids went to school, Kate came to me and said I needed to stop being so dense and that she was tired of having Emma come to her crying because her own father will barely pay attention to her or give her a compliment.
I didn't think I was doing anything particularly harmful or neglectful, but I've been second guessing myself and figured I would lay it out here for others to judge.
Top Comment: Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole . Please view our voting guide here , and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I may not be paying as much attention to Emma as I should be, even if I don't see it. If there's something I've done or need to fix I would like to know. Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
AITA for having my son miss his graduating road trip to watch his sibling.
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My son just graduated high-school and we were paying so he could go on a road trip with his friends. He was suppose to go Wednesday , my wife’s mother and father got in a car accident. They live in another state so we had to drive about 4 hours. My wife was a wreck and wasn’t in the position to drive since we her dad was critical. He pulled through luckily.
We have two other kids 11 and 7. We can’t leave them at home alone and we couldn’t find a sitter to watch them on such short notice, we even tried our neighbors but he couldn’t do it. So that left our 18 year old. He was pissed to put it mildly but did it. I told him we would make it up to him, and if he could ask if his friend could move it back a week. They couldn’t sadly.
We were gone for two days, he pulled though. My wife stayed and I headed back, I payed him for watching the kids and went to talk to him about getting him on the trip. It was suppose to be two weeks and they should just be a state over. He blows up about ruining his trip and there is no point going even though it should still 12 days of the trip. He called up a jerk and lock himself in his room.
I need another opinion since this was emergency and he doesn’t seem to care his grandparents almost passed.
Edit: Well he called his mom, let’s say it didn’t end well, he did say basically said the same thing he said to me, wife had a breakdown on the phone with him, she sent him the injuries and pictures of grandpa/grandma. He finally came out of his room and told me he isn’t going to go on the trip and the plan tickets aren’t needed.
Talked to my wife, never heard her that mad. Son confirmed what happened, he started yelling at her the moment the call started and she lost her shit when he called her selfish. On good news grandpa has some feeling back in his legs which was a huge concern
For people saying we didn’t have emergency plan we do, first my closest friend- vacation, main babysitter- not available, backup babysitter- not available, last resort grandparents- hospital. We tried to find someone that why we even asked our neighbor which I have a good relationship with.
This will be my last update, had a conversation with my son about everything. Mom and him will have a conversation when she is calms down. His friends are not a state over, they are about two down at this point and going to Mexico. They are probably will get to the boarder tonight, they were suppose to be going to California . He had his passport and everything ready. This is a fucking mess.
I haven’t informed my wife yet and will wait until she is calmer. I’ll leave off with I hope none of you ever have to deal with a situation like this and please remember your parents are human
Top Comment: Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole . Please view our voting guide here , and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: AITA for having my son watch our kids in an emergency when he was suppose to go on his graduation trip and I could be a jerk for that Help keep the sub engaging! Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ Subreddit Announcement The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit! Follow the link above to learn more I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
AITA for telling my son the reason he looks more like his mom and not me is because his other mom birthed him?
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My wife and I are a same-sex couple and we've been together for over ten years. My wife is the one who was pregnant with our son (10M) and his sister (5M). Lately, our son has been coming home from school and continuously asking why he looks more like his other mommy but looks nothing like me. This was a conversation my wife avoided having for a long time but he kept asking. I decided to explain to him that he looks like his other mommy and not me because he was in her tummy and has half of her genetics, and that's why he looks more like mommy than me. He seemed okay with that. My wife noticed that he no longer noticed he was asking and asked me why he wasn't asking this question anymore. I told her that I explained he was in Mommy's tummy and shares half of her genetics.
She was pissed with me and got into a massive argument, saying I shouldn't have told him that. Personally, I can't see what I did wrong as I explained what he wanted to know; he was okay with that; I told him, although you weren't in my tummy, I love you just as much, if not a little more, than other mommy does.
AITA?
Top Comment:
Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
- Told my son why he looks more like his other mom then me. 2) My wife found out and she's pissed because she thinks he didn't need to know that.
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Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
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My son keeps counting down. Now I know what happens at ...
Main Post: My son keeps counting down. Now I know what happens at ...
How should I deal with my son after finding a horrifying video on his phone?
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Normally I don’t go on either of my kids’ phones because I know how horrible that is, but my son was acting suspicious. Like he had something he knew he shouldn’t on his phone and was desperately trying to hide his screen one day.
He’s only 14 but I’m honestly disgusted by what I saw on his phone. He was at a friends party, and his friend lured another student to said party. I say lured because of what they did to him. My son was recording as his friend utterly pulverized the other student (single-handedly at that, my son didn’t help he just watched and laughed). At one point the victim was forced to eat his own tooth that was knocked out by his assailant. Like my sons friend was screaming in his ear to eat it. After it was all over, the kid was lying on the ground, bleeding and crying and not even able to stand up.
My son walks up to him and says “Ha Ha! You got the fuck kicked out of you ya fucking pussy.” And then he high-fived his bully friend and said “good shit”. That’s where the video ends.
I’m so disturbed by this because my other two children (both older than him) are great people and I’m commonly said to be a great mother. He wasn’t raised this way.
I’m going to force my son to give the phone to the police and deal with all of his consequences. Will this tear up the family, he’s very close to his father and I am afraid it will cause problems. And I’d also like to think my son is a good person but I fear I’ll never look at him the same way again. Where to proceed?
Top Comment: Contact the parent of the child who got assaulted if you can figure out who it is. Let them know you've gotten the video to the police so they can press charges. Act as if it were your son on the ground being forced to swallow his own tooth. They tortured him. Ground your son, tell his father what happened after you go to the police.